I So not kidding about this

So there's this dog in the neighborhood. And this dog is a purebred adult male who still sports a rather large set of testicles.

This dog is named after the lead in a comedy series from the sixties. Let's call him Beaver Cleaver. His name isn't reallyBeaver Cleaver, but for the purposes of this story, that's what we'll call him.It's important to note that we can't refer to him as just Beaver, because the dog's name is Beaver Cleaver. I have attempted to call the dog just Beaver on several occasions, and each time I was quickly scolded and corrected. The dog's name is Beaver Cleaver.

As I mentioned, Beaver Cleaver still has his reproductive organs. Consequently, he has developed all the bad habits of a mature male dog, including but not limited to compulsively humping every dog he happens to pass on the sidewalk.

My dog recently happened to be one of those innocent and unsuspecting passersby, and while I'm fully aware that most dogs like to hump now and then, you have to understand that I once witnessed Beaver Cleaver humping air. Empty air.

So recently, while Beaver Cleaver was humping my dog, his owner sort of laughed, with a snorting, pig-like grunt and said, "Beaver Cleaver, stop it. I don't understand why he does that," as if he were completely unaware of the gigantic sac dangling between Beaver Cleaver's legs.

And you know, that's fine – I don't mind that Beaver Cleaver and his owner are in complete psychopathic denial. But just then, just as Beaver Cleaver's owner gave that piggish snort, my husband mistakenly thought that our dog was making the noise, and explained to me, to Beaver Cleaver, and to Beaver Cleaver's owner (the one who had actually snorted), "Snort snort snort. He's snorting!"